My back aches,
My belly swells,
I grow.
I nourish,
I encourage,
You grow.
We thrive,
We are one,
We know.
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I was inspired this morning to write a short poem about pregnancy and birth.
I have felt so empowered by this pregnancy...
Only in the past week or two has it been difficult; and that is such a blessing to me.
Only just now am I feeling tired, swollen, achey...
When I was pregnant with Lennon five years ago, I was so unhealthy. My entire pregnancy was difficult. So much pain, so much aching, so much difficulty, so much sickness...
I didn't know until mid-pregnancy this time around that I had pre-eclampsia with Lennon (our eldest). It was something that we had discussed before becoming pregnant; we didn't know if we wanted to get pregnant again because of the issues I had with my first pregnancy, but I'm glad I didn't know that I actually had pre-eclampsia beforehand. Thank the gods, I haven't gotten pre-eclampsia with Rowan. Because I previously had pre-eclampsia, though, we have been thoroughly monitored; more so than this crunchy mama was into at first. But whatever needs to be done to ensure that Rowan and I are fine is alright by me. And the frequent visits have actually quelled my anxiety to a point. Instead of overwhelming anxiety every visit, it's been just a small amount and, thankfully, infrequently.
It's so very strange to me to know that I'll only be pregnant for three more days. I feel like we just started trying to get pregnant... But on the other hand, I feel strangely like I've been pregnant for a year and a half. My cesarean is scheduled almost exactly three days from now. After how difficult my pregnancy was with Lennon I didn't know if I'd ever want to be pregnant again. But I knew that I had overcome all of the issues with him and we both ended up being more than fine. I know that I am strong and I know that our babies are strong. So I knew that if I could do it when I was less healthy that I'd be able to do it again in a healthier, happier body for sure. I knew that I could handle being pregnant again with the outcome being another baby.
In just three days I will be the mommy of two boys.
Matthew will be the daddy of two boys.
Lennon will be a big brother.
Rowan will be Lennon's little brother.
Our boys... Our boys.
All of the anxiety, all of the "what about..." questions I had...
None of that matters. Everything works out.
All I care about is making sure we are all safe, happy and healthy.
Lennon is so excited to be a big brother.
I think he's just as excited to help Matthew take care of Rowan and I, though, as he is for Rowan to actually arrive. He is a fantastic helper and such a beautiful soul. I am so proud to call him mine.
Today and tomorrow are all Matthew has left to work before Rowan arrives.
He is taking Thursday off as we still have much left to do; a long doctor's appointment early Thursday morning, we need to get some food for Pooh and us (Lennon needs to take Vegan food to my parents' house for the few days we'll be in the hospital and we don't expect the hospital to have much if any Vegan food.) We need to finish getting the house all ready; one last sweep of the floors, make sure the dishes are finished, make sure everything is picked up, nice and cozy, the cats and our fish are taken care of...
Thursday night we'll be dropping Lennon off at my parents' house and then Friday morning we go in early and will be having Rowan!
We aren't having visitors on the first day, though... We figured it would be easier on us if we got some alone time with him. Not to mention, I'll need to heal some after my surgery and I also want to breastfeed... Preferably without an audience.
I am so in love.
So full of love.
So empowered, so... excited.
